Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's prominent entertainers used their airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative which allows overseas citizens to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" tier for five million. A government portal pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message for you to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, with hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented background check the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.